I find these days that my social circle is extremely small, and I have what I’d consider to be negative or disappointing interactions with other people on a routine basis. I often walk away from these transactions feeling frustrated, slighted, etc. I feel like I’m in constant conflict with the world around me. I consider my current situation to be nothing short of a crisis. Unresolved conflict has overtaken every area of my life: my marriage and family, business, friendships as well as my interactions with the general public.
I am a very sensitive person, and I know that explains a lot of what I experience. Personal responsibility is very important, and we should all be focused on that which we can control: one’s own attitude, actions and responses to circumstances. If I’m having so many problems with others, one must not ignore the fact that I am the common denominator in this scenario.
However, to blame my own temperament for all of my problems and simply stop there would be a mistake. I feel like you have to examine a problem from all angles. If I’m an unhealthy, dysfunctional person, human nature dictates that I will attract similarly troubled people to me until I’m surrounded on all sides by toxicity.
I may attract other troubled people, but that doesn’t mean that I am responsible for the things they choose to say or do. I have a fairly fine-tuned sense of justice, of right and wrong. I expect more from others around me, and I am willing to go above and beyond for them as well. It seems most people don’t feel the same way, and I believe a lot of conflict stems from this fundamental disparity.
No one wants to play a game where there are different rules for different players. I have sort of a rulebook that informs most of my thoughts, feelings, decisions and actions. For example:
1. Have empathy. Be sensitive to the needs and feelings of others.
2. Be open to self-reflection. Be willing and able to analyze your own thoughts, feelings and actions. If you need help with this, seek it out.
3. Do the right thing most of the time, regardless of who is watching.
4. When you mess up, no matter how many times it happens, own it with humility. Be accountable to others.
5. When you do wrong by someone, show a sincere effort to make it up to him or her. If you keep taking bites out of people around you, eventually there will be nothing left.
6. Don’t keep making excuses for yourself. Commit to improve. Show results.
7. Don’t treat another person as though he or she were disposable merely because you have no personal connection to that person.
These days I rarely encounter those who are willing to live by the above tenants. After decades of feeling like the loser in every interaction with people, I’ve become quite jaded. I expect bad behavior from others, and negative outcomes from situations. In my 20s, I wasn’t very strategic or intentional with my life. I was lost, stagnant, depressed. In my 30s, I’ve become much more industrious, but I’ve sort of traded in depression for anxiety. In either case, our culture seems to be very harsh on people who deal with such problems.
I hope that those who struggle as I do are reminded that they are not alone. I enjoy putting this stuff out there in an attempt to connect with others through our shared experience. Unfortunately, I am often very disappointed when I reach out to others for help. I don’t feel that there are any relationships in my life right now strong enough to bear the heavy burdens I carry. I plan to seek professional counseling, as this is the only tried and true method I’ve found for overcoming such difficulties. I would encourage others to do the same. Thanks for reading!